02 LS4C - Communication

 Life Skills for Children

As mentioned in the first blog of “Life Skills for Children”, it is becoming increasingly important to teach our children how to cope with daily ups and downs.  Our children are the next generation to grow up and run our country.  When the going gets tough, let’s teach our children how to get even tougher by coping in healthy ways. 

• Our children need to know how to rise when they fall. 

• They need to know that life is one huge learning experience.  

• They need to know mistakes are learning what not to do next time.

• They need to know they are accepted and loved even though they make mistakes. 

• They need to know people care about them. 

• They need to learn they will be okay, life is full of ups and downs.

• They need to learn to ride the wave of despair.

Keeping communication open beginning at an early age is important.  It is imperative to pick a good time to communicate with your child.  Just like adults, children are often busy all day long, having way too much fun to listen and/or talk quietly.  However, most children will postpone their bedtime using any tactic possible.  When my children were young, I used this time to communicate quietly, and privately in their bedroom. Your child can feel an emotional release with the benefit of sleeping well, feeling peaceful.

However, you know your child best, so pick a time where you feel they will listen and respond.

1)     Talk to your child about whatever situation is present in their life causing them stress and anxiety.  If a child is acting out, chances are they have no idea how to deal what is bothering them.  Do you know what is bothering them?  Hopefully they will tell you if you ask. 

2)     It is extremely important to just listen, let the child talk, hear they are really saying.  When a child presents the issue they are experiencing continue to listen intently.  Ask questions, at appropriate times (if needed) to clarify the situation a bit better.  It is important not to interrupt, but to really listen. 

3)     It is also important to recognize what you are hearing and that you are understanding what they are saying.  Miscommunication happens a lot.  It is not recommended that you assume you know what they are saying.   Repeat back to your child what you think they are saying.  They want to be heard and understood. 

4)     Once the issue has been fully described by the child, and you are certain you understand, take the time acknowledge the child’s feelings.  It is important someone understands how they are feeling.  Try turning the tables, put yourself into the child’s shoes.  Are they feeling between a rock and hard place?  Perhaps they are viewing the entire situation as unfair? Maybe they have no idea how to deal with it.

5)     Reassure the child that all problems have a solution.  On a positive note, many problems can be turned into learning experiences. Life is all about learning.  Mistakes are for learning.  What is most important is that we learn from our mistakes and try to do better the next time something similar happens. Perhaps talk about a past situation you had encountered, what you discovered during the process and how you solved it.

6)     Now it is time to discuss some possible solutions to their problem(s).  Ask the child how they could have acted (or reacted) differently to the situation? If they are not sure, offer some possible “what if” scenarios.  Listen to how the child responds.  Keep troubleshooting possible solutions until you find something the child feels could implement “next time”.

Feel free to check out these past posts related to life skills for children:

01 - Life Skills for Children (inpursuitofhealing.org)

This blog details my personal healing journal over the past 2+ decades. I am not a medical professional and offer this information freely as personal research only.

Please click here to read my disclaimer.