03 LS4C - Surrender and Release

Life Skills for Children

This is where you can teach your child a positive spin on their situation by guiding him/her to learn from all experiences.  After all, mistakes are learning what not to do next time.  This process will help them surrender and release any negative emotions attached to the situation.  Successfully navigating this release will allow your child to step out of creating a vicious circle of repeating unwanted behavior.  In addition, your child will learn essential life-skills to navigate the trials and tribulations of life forever.

1)     Now that your child hopefully has intentions to change unwanted behaviour in the future (refer to #02 Life Skills for Children), it is time to remove any negative charges that may be lingering.  Your child may have the best of plans to do things differently in the future.  However, humans are emotional beings.  We have “triggers” that can instantly rise to the surface from our subconscious mind the moment we are facing a similar circumstance in our everyday life.

2)     Continue to talk with your child about what he/she has learned from the incident you have been discussing.  Again, take the time to listen.  This is where you may recognize your child is in “victim mode”.  Perhaps your child is blaming others for his/her behaviour which is completely normal without some guidance to change their mindset.  You may have to work on moving your child from “victim” to a place of “personal power” at a later date.

3)     While listening to your child, explain that life is one big learning experience.  Sometimes the best way to learn is through trial and error.  Mistakes give us huge opportunities to learn.  Everyone makes mistakes, even adults.  There is no shame in making a mistake, but repeating the same mistake over and over again leads to feelings of guilt.  Once you feel your child totally understands the concept that this is an opportunity to learn to be a better person (perhaps like someone they admire) move on.

4)     It is now time to acknowledge your child has admitted making a mistake (hopefully they have admitted that to you in one way or another).  This is a huge step!  Most mistakes in childhood are not meant for adults to punish the child.  Let your child know you forgive him/her because they did not have the tools to deal with the situation better.

5)     Ask your child if they would like to learn how to get rid of all their bad feelings about this situation.  Hopefully the answer is yes.  Holding onto anger, resentment, hatred, etc. hurts the person doing the holding.  The other person has no idea of the turmoil rolling around in your child’s head. 

6)     Here is where you can teach your child to surrender and release.  At first, the process may take a long time.  With practice it can be achieved very quickly (like a habit), anytime, anywhere. 

Feel free to use the following steps as a guide in talking with your child:

a)     Close your eyes, take 3 deep breaths, in through your nose, inhaling very deeply, hold; then exhale slowly

First breath...inhale calm, exhale stress

Second breath...inhale peace, exhale anger

Third breath...inhale relaxation, exhale muscle tightness

(you can ask your child if their body is feeling relaxed, if not, more deep breaths)

b)     Now, ask your child to think of the incident and the feelings at that time

(allow time for the feelings to surface – what we do not acknowledge, we cannot change; If your child wishes to verbalize their feelings, just listen, let him/her talk get it out and then move on)

c)     When you feel your child is ready, ask him/her to create a huge bubble around the entire situation/incident and let you know when that is done

(allow as much time as is needed, answer any questions and/or guide the process, once complete move on)

d)     Now instruct your child to take that bubble and shrink it down so small that it fits in the palm of their hand and let you know when that is complete

(encourage the child they are doing great)

e)      Advise your child they can let all of this go just by taking a big breath and then blowing the bubble as hard as they can to send it out the Universe/Angels or the stars in outer space

(when the process is complete move on)

f)     Ask your child some questions to make sure he/she is feeling better:

Is the bubble gone? 

How do you feel? 

Do you feel better?

(if the answer is yes, move on; if the answer is no, repeat the process using your imagination – perhaps a spaceship or rocket instead of a bubble)

g)     Now guide your child to repeat the following Ho’oponopono prayer while holding their hand over their heart

I am sorry (that I did what I did)

Please forgive me (for doing this) because I want to forgive myself and everyone involved

Thank you (for your help, I really appreciate learning a new way to cope)

I love you

(words in brackets above can be replaced with anything you feel is effective for having your child surrender and release)

SUMMARY:

1)     Continue to talk with your child, ask questions if necessary

2)     Explain life is one big learning experience and everyone makes mistakes

3)     Acknowledge your child has admitted to making a mistake

4)     Ask your child if he/she is willing to learn how to get rid of their bad feelings

5) Teach your child how to surrender and release

Feel free to check out these past posts related to life skills for children:

01 LS4C - Introduction (inpursuitofhealing.org)

02 LS4C - Communication (inpursuitofhealing.org)

This blog details my personal healing journal over the past 2+ decades. I am not a medical professional and offer this information freely as personal research only.

Please click here to read my disclaimer.