RTF WEEK #04 - THE TRUTH ABOUT FEAR

Fear is an emotion that is meant to protect you from danger and prepare you to take action.

There are two types of fear:

1)    Healthy fear is your intuition warning of impending danger. This type of fear could actually feel more like terror!  Never ignore your intuition shouting fear at you.  Learn to keep safety your first priority.

2)   Unhealthy fear is a state of mind that can actually cause anxiety, not necessarily a bad thing.  The best way to describe this type of fear is:

Fantasized

Experiences

Appearing

Real

We need to dissect our feelings of fear to discover what is healthy and unhealthy. 

A few examples of healthy fear:

Feeling like someone is following you

Feelings of danger in any situation you find yourself

Feeling you are about to be attacked in an abusive relationship

A few examples of unhealthy fear:

Anxious about going to a social affair when you prefer to stay home alone

Anxious about going to a job interview

Anxious about moving your home

We do not always recognize the fear in our life.  Twenty years ago my sister came to visit with a gift in hand – a book about facing my fear.  My first reaction was to say I had no fear (similar to advising my doctor I had no anxiety).  Apparently at that time of my life I was NOT in tune with my intuition or I simply preferred to remain in denial.

Putting the book on the shelf to collect dust, the day eventually came when I decided to read that book.  It changed my life!  As the saying goes, when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Society programs us with fear.  It begins with our loved ones trying to keep us safe, then the social system as we begin to venture out in life attending school, church, sports, etc.  This fear imbedded in our lives creates worry and anxiety.  Fact is, only 8% of what we worry about actually happens and only 4% is beyond our control.  Mathematically that is only 4 chances of 100 that what you worry about will actually happens. 

Healthy fear is a good thing – never ignore your internal intuition about danger!

Unhealthy fear is programming from previous life experiences.  Some examples that may have happened are as follows:

• You endured punishment from a wrong-doing

• You experienced a lack of feeling safe

• You felt abandoned as a child

• You lost a loved one

• You struggled through a separation or divorce

• You lived through a natural disaster

• You suffered through a war

• You stumbled through unwanted change

• You were physically attacked

Without your knowledge, your subconscious mind files all your previous life experiences. Then if you experience a similar situation, your subconscious mind automatically puts a warning signal out to you causing your fear and anxiety.  Your fear begins to rise and you will react with one of two responses:

1. Fight

2. Flight

Perhaps you can think of some fear you might be harboring, such as:

• Fear of financial security

• Fear of making mistakes

• Fear of disapproval

• Fear of judgements

• Fear of failure

• Fear of change

• Fear of education

• Fear of public speaking

• Etc…

Fear is a major cause of procrastination.  To change your life, you must conquer your unhealthy fears! Without challenging your unhealthy fear, you might remain stuck in a life you might dislike, your fears can control you.  If you want a new life you must learn to conquer your unhealthy fears.

When I decided to face my unhealthy fears decades ago, not one of those fears destroyed me.  Facing your unhealthy fears will eventually birth a courage within you to jump every hurdle you are facing through fear.  It’s all about creating personal power within you.  Baby steps lead to steps, steps lead to strides and strides lead you where you want to be.

In looking back at your unhealthy fearful experiences, ask yourself these questions:

• Did you live through your past fearful life experiences?

• Did you survive (what you perceived to be) your failures?

• Did you manage to live through other peoples judgements of you?

• Did you find a way to survive whatever life handed to you?

The truth is, if you are reading this, you absolutely survived!

Possible scenario of unhealthy fear:

• You feel the fear

• You get knocked down by the fear

• You eventually find a way to deal with the fear

• Therefore, you find a way to survive the fear

Knowledge is power.  You can learn to face your unhealthy fears.  In doing so, you will find your personal power and gain control of you life.  Reeling in unhealthy fear is not powerful, it puts you in a place helplessness.

The first step in facing your unhealthy fear is to make a decision to do it.  Just do it!  You must be willing to step out of your comfort zone.

Decades ago, in the 1990’s when my children were very young, I began the process of consciously facing my unhealthy fears. One of those fears was a very serious fear of the dark.  Bravely, I decided to take a trip to the family cottage, back in the woods, 1 hour away from civilization.  There was no phone, no cell phone reception, and no outside contact. The plan was just me and my two children.  At the last minute I requested to take my neighbors black lab dog that was super friendly and loving to the children.

Once we arrived at the cottage, I began to prepare for the darkness.  I organized everything, locked all doors, all windows and made sure the dog was out to relieve himself prior to darkness falling.  The children were young so it was easy to get them into bed early, sleeping all in one large bed together with the dog in our room.

Once darkness fell I could hardly breath. The children and the dog were sleeping soundly and I was listening to absolutely everything.  The thoughts of leaving the cottage were quickly squashed by the necessity of having to venture outside to reach the vehicle.  All I could do was “self-talk” with affirmations such as”

• I am strong

• I am safe

• I am protected

Eventually I finally slept and woke up in the morning to a beautiful sunny day!  One giant leap towards taking charge of my unhealthy fears.  This fear of the dark was truly a figment of my imagination.  What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.  No one every died of imaginary fear.

The secret here is to be willing to challenge the fear and jump out of your comfort zone.  Many say life begins at the end of your comfort zone. 

Are you afraid of failure?  Mistakes and failures are part of living.  I believe mistakes are for learning what NOT to do next time.  We all make mistakes.  Don’t beat yourself up over that.  Mistakes give you knowledge, learn to use that knowledge!  Achievement requires courage, if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.

Remaining in a state of fear creates helplessness.  This is a depressing place to reside, feeling like there is no way out.  The only way out is to face your unhealthy fear, take the required steps towards personal power.

Fear is a coward that runs like a bully in the face of courage.  The only way to destroy unhealthy fear is to face it head on.  Here are some rewards of facing your unhealthy fears:

• You will begin to believe in yourself

• You will gain confidence

• You will know that change is sometimes required

• You will be in more control of your life

Honestly, facing your unhealthy fears will cause you to first shake in your boots.  Your anxiety will heighten and you might get knocked down.  Pick yourself up and try, try again.  The only way to win is to keep on going.

I believe that Eleanor Roosevelt said it best when she said:

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

You are not alone with your unhealthy fears.  Everyone has these fears, whether they wish to admit it or not.  Many have pushed passed those fears and have learned life becomes better on the other side of fear.

One giant step towards living a life of freedom is facing your fears.  You cannot live life to it’s fullest locked in fear mode.  It’s like being in jail which is worse than summoning the courage to face the unhealthy fear.  It’s all about personal growth. 

Everyone experiences fear but few people acknowledge it.  If you don’t acknowledge it, you can’t change it.  Some people don’t care, and others use it to their advantage.  If you want to live your life YOUR WAY, you must begin to face your unhealthy fear.

Please understand this blog is talking about facing your UNHEALTHY FEARS.  Fears that you can conquer, fears that are actually just in your head…fictional fears.

It is extremely important to stay on alert for HEALTHY FEARS signaling danger.  It would be dangerous to jump off a cliff into unknown waters.  It would be dangerous to drive your vehicle while impaired.  It would be dangerous to drive your vehicle at high speeds.  It would be dangerous to ignore a feeling of danger lurking in the dark at 2am while walking down the street alone. This blog is intended to help in facing your UNHEALTHY FEARS, the fears that do not put you in danger!

Finally, the procrastination of facing your unhealthy fears is a fear itself.  Be aware of this.  May I suggest the following exercise to help you to begin facing your unhealth fears:

•  Make a list of your fears.

• Rate the fears from 1 to 10 with 1 being smallest fear and 10 being largest fear.

• Sort the fears smallest to largest.

• Choose one of your smallest fears to be the first fear you will challenge.

• When will you face it?

• How will you face it? 

Facing your fears will likely bring anxiety to the forefront. Never fear, next weeks session will help give you tools to destress yourself!

Up next... WEEK #05 - DESTRESS YOURSELF

Feel free to review previous WEEKS of ROADMAP TO FREEDOM posts:

RTF WEEK #01 – DARE TO DREAM (inpursuitofhealing.org)

RTF WEEK #02 - GOALS & AFFIRMATIONS (inpursuitofhealing.org)

RTF WEEK #03 - MANIPULATION, POWER & CONTROL (inpursuitofhealing.org)

Friendly reminder… continue with your Daily Affirmations

Experiencing a bad day? 

Review your Dream Life Story.  It can fill you up with much needed faith, hope and determination.  Above all else, never, every, give up…tomorrow is new day that can bring you new possibilities.

The Roadmap to Freedom personal growth series is a unique, one-of-a-kind program created by Ali Shilo. All rights reserved. Copyright 2024

Questions? 

Contact Ali … info.inpursuitofhealing@gmail.com